“The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."
~ James A. Garfield
Have you ever found yourself biting your tongue to avoid confrontation, only to later resent your team member for their continued shortcomings? Or perhaps you've delivered feedback so bluntly that it left your colleague feeling demoralized and disengaged? If so, you're not alone. Many leaders struggle to find the right balance between grace and candor in their interactions.
You Need Both, At The Same Time
Leadership, at its core, is about nurturing relationships and fostering growth. But how do we cultivate an environment that's both kind and truthful, supportive yet challenging? The answer lies in having the behavioral agility to lead outside of your comfort zone alone. The awareness of what is needed, how your comfort may get in your way and calibrate a balance of GRACE & CANDOR.
Grace, in leadership, is about showing compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. It's the ability to see the potential in others, even when they falter. Candor, on the other hand, is about honesty, directness, and transparency. It's the courage to speak truth, even when it's uncomfortable.
Malpractice
Either quality on its own can be detrimental. Grace without candor can lead to a culture of avoidance, where issues fester beneath the surface and resentment builds. It's like a doctor who, out of kindness, doesn't tell their patient about a serious but treatable condition. The intention may be good, but the outcome is harmful. In fact, that would be malpractice!
Conversely, candor without grace can be crushing. It's like performing surgery without anesthesia - effective perhaps, but unnecessarily painful and traumatic. This approach can erode trust, stifle innovation, and create a fear-based environment where people are afraid to take risks or voice their opinions.
Grace or candor alone, in the absence of the other, is leadership malpractice.
The magic happens when we blend grace and candor. Imagine a coach who both believes in their athlete's potential and pushes them to improve. They offer support and encouragement, but also provide honest feedback about areas for growth. This combination creates an environment where people feel safe to take risks, make mistakes, and continuously improve.
So, how can we cultivate this balance in our leadership?
Here are some practical steps:
Start with self-reflection: Assess your natural tendencies. Are you more inclined towards grace or candor? Recognizing your default mode can help you consciously adjust your approach.
Gain permission to give input: Before offering candor, ask them if they are open to coaching or your input. This demonstrates respect, trust, grace, and provides context for candor.
Use curiosity and open-ended questions: Ask how they feel their doing? Ask where they feel they are winning? Where are they struggling? What are they doing about those struggles? Who knows, before you even need candor, they may lead themselves to new possibilities and commitments in their performance and growth.
Create a culture of psychological safety: Foster an environment where people feel safe to speak up, make mistakes, and receive feedback.
Be timely with your feedback: Address issues promptly but choose an appropriate time and place. This shows respect (grace) while ensuring clarity (candor).
Follow up: After delivering candid feedback, check in with the person. This demonstrates ongoing care and support.
Remember, the goal is not perfection, but progress. As you practice blending grace and candor, you'll likely stumble at times. That's okay. Extend the same grace to yourself that you aim to offer others.
In conclusion,
Leadership is indeed a delicate dance of grace and candor. It's about creating an environment where truth can be spoken and heard, where potential can be seen and nurtured, and where growth is constant and celebrated. By mastering this balance, you not only become a more effective leader, but you also create a more engaged, innovative, and resilient team.
So, I challenge you: In your next interaction, how can you bring both grace and candor to the table?
Your team - and your organization - will thank you for it.
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